Last Friday and Saturday, I underwent orientation for the MLIS program at the local university. During this time I realized that my life as a writer would have to be put on hold a bit, as well as my blogging. But I’m not giving up completely. The majority of the classes are online, giving me ample time to also blog. However, due to the workload, and my work in the Archives, and looking for a second part-time job, and volunteering at the local public library, my time will be greatly reduced, therefore, I’m cutting my hours back to one post a week. I believe I can manage that and my workload. I promise not to let anyone down. There will be some exceptions, updates to the Rivendell challenge will be posted on the first of each month.
My Letter Writing Series will pick up next week on Monday.
But back to graduate school. Sometimes, a person has to determine what is more important in their life, doing the one thing they love and perhaps forgoing the money that would come with something else, and being with the one they love, whose desire for material safety has held back their life together thus far. I have chosen the latter. During a rare moment into his private workings, my fiance let me know what his greatest fear was. And it wasn’t heights. His greatest fear is being poor, and being unable to pay bills, and struggling financially. I should have been able to guess, but I suppose I let my feeling cloud my judgement. I do not fear being poor, living on well fare if I have to. I now realize why he was so encouraging in my dalliance with MLIS. It can come with a steady paycheck.
Do you want to my biggest fear? Well, I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s being unhappy. It’s having to go in for a 9-5 job that I hate. It’s flipping burgers. I’d rather be poor and enjoy my work, i.e. writing, than rich and be miserable in all that I do. That’s why I bounced from one major to another to another in my college career. If I couldn’t be happy studying it, how could I find a job that I would like in that field? I am not giving up on writing, but I am giving up a career in writing before it’s even begun, because even if I had a job that I loved if I didn’t have my fiance I would still be miserable. I once believed that he was supportive of my writing, but I have seen now that I was wrong. His only encouragement is what will make us more money. MLIS, then, is a compromise. I like libraries almost as much I like writing, and it has the paycheck that he looks for.
So all that’s left is to win the lottery and never have to work again, right? That way, I can do whatever I please. But I should probably have a back-up plan in case that doesn’t work.
I promise that my next post will be far more upbeat, as I have reread this post I found it kind of…depressing. But perhaps it’s only my mindset since I’m sort of feeling disappointed right now. Still, graduate school is going well so far, and my job in the archives is far from the strenuous work of a restaurant, and I even get to work with rare books, and hang death shrouds, and order little freshmen around. So it’s not all bad, in fact, the ordering freshmen around is quite the picker upper.
Until next time then.