Monday was my birthday. And it occurred to me that there were things that I was doing that wasn’t being true to myself. I was doing something, for money, that I knew to be blatantly false, and I could not bring myself to agree with what I was doing. So, after another session of doing what I knew to be wrong, I gave myself a birthday present. I put my foot down and refused to do anymore.
I felt wonderfully free. Don’t get me wrong. I am looking for a “day job.” I just could not longer do what I was doing. I came to terms with the fact that if I’m not being true to myself and what I believe to be right, I’m not going to be happy. And doing what I was doing, just because I’m in desperate need of money, was depressing me more than being jobless.
As I was pondering that, I realized that staying true to myself constitutes more than preventing the spread of lies. It’s also about standing up for what I want to do with my life. I want to write. But, like other aspiring writers out there, I don’t necessarily want to just write. Without a job, without a time limit, so-to-speak, I am not able to write. I want a day job. One that will give me enough leeway to write to my heart’s content.
This got me wondering, if I want to have a life, have a day job, and still be able to write, then maybe I need to be looking at a different kind of job. One that’s more…flexible than a full-time, 40+ hours a week, salary with benefits kind of job. Granted, I kind of need benefits like health care. But, what if I went with a part-time, nor more than 40 hours a week making squat for money kind of job without benefits.
I need a job for several reasons. Perhaps, though, I’ve been looking for the wrong kind of job. Maybe I need the part-time job to be happy rather than the full-time job. I want to be able to have a life, and write and work. Perhaps even go back to school for my masters. How am I going to manage all of that working full-time? I’m not entirely sure I could manage that. Working part-time will give me the ability to pay for my classes without further loans (hopefully). It will also have the flexibility so that I can take the classes I want/need to take without worrying about taking extra time off. While also giving me time to have a life and keeping me busy enough that when I have the time to write that’s exactly what I’ll do rather than frittering all my free time away on blog posts, Facebook, Twitter and other random things.
I suppose then, that I need to find that said job. However, as I think about it, if I go back to school, I may have one already lined up…as a grad assistant at the library. I worked for the library while completing my Bachelors degrees, and I loved it. If I can’t make a living writing, I want to make living working at a library. I had, briefly, thought of being a librarian in high-school, until I realized that it requires a Master’s Degree. But as I came to love, and I mean love, my job at the library, maybe the idea wasn’t so far-fetched. It wasn’t just the job, I got to help people, and if I couldn’t help them, then I knew who could. I enjoyed working with the other students as well. The downside to this, would be that when I finish my Masters, in Information Technologies, then the job would, once again, disappear. But the more I think, and thought, about it, the more it makes sense. However, in order to take classes I need to have money. In order to work at the library I need to take at least two classes at a time.
I have, however, talked to my former boss, and he said he could continue me as a grad assistant without a problem, so that makes life a great deal easier. And, as the end of my schooling approaches, I can start looking for a job while still employed by the University library. I know that it looks much better on a resume to show that you are currently working, than if you’ve been out of work for six months. Yes, I think that I might have to do just that.
To be true to myself I need to go back to school, get the Masters in Information Technologies and look for a job in the Library field. However, I know this to be true: that it is extremely hard to find a job as a Librarian, and I will have to move out of small-town-ville. It is, in fact, a running joke within that discipline.
However, I also have the extreme fortune of being near the only University in Georgia to be accredited in this particular field. I have already graduated from said University, and it will not be hard getting into the graduate school. I have already taken the GRE and my verbal score was…high. My math scores needed some work though. Still, I have inquired and been told that getting in is not going to be a problem.
As I have been writing this blog, I have been thinking, and perhaps talking myself into this. But I would enjoy working at a library. I know I enjoy taking classes and learning. I also know that if I can’t make it as a full-time writer, then working at the library is something that I want to do. I get to help people, I get to be around books; lots and lots of books. What writer could as for more? Assuming they never become famous.
Staying true to myself is important to me. And now that I know what I want. I need to go out and get it. I have had to stop and reevaluate my life several times. Monday was one of those times. And I think everyone should stop and take a look around them and find out what they can do to make themselves happier. It’s not about money, or fame, or pleasing everyone else. It’s about the personal emotions that each of us carry, and those things may bring some people happiness, but I know that those things alone won’t make me happy. I would like to be comfortable, but I can be happy making less than 15,000 a year. I’ve done it on 6,000 a year. Sure, I could be more comfortable, but that won’t make me happy. And I think I’ve wasted enough time not being happy.
And on that note, I’m going to end my rambling and look a little further into grad school.